Preamble

When I was approached to contribute to Red Oak Tavern, I wasn't quite sure what Red Oak had in mind for his ‘adult' audience. I pondered long and hard what to write. Should it be something academic that would need big words and impress small minds? Should it be arcane and satisfy the cravings of those in occult poverty, or should it be personal and from the heart. I chose the latter. To my mind it is the ‘adults' more than the ‘children' that need to practice the magick of forgiveness..

Wicca is fast becoming a legitimate religion, holding its own amongst the other alternative acceptable spiritual paths to choose from. But its theology is still inadequate and unable to stand up to the scrutiny of theological criteria. Viviane Crowley once said that Wicca is not a theology but a path of poetry. That was then, this is now. Whilst more and more people are turning their attention to this path as a legitimate way to personal religious exploration, there are certain things glaringly absent from Wicca when it attempts to flesh out its standpoint with regards to practical day-to-day advice.

Although there are plenty of writers and articles positing all things esoteric, occultic and spiritual, there are not enough hands-on articles written by said practitioners of magick /the Craft on daily religious/spiritual living. Such writings can of course, only be written from the heart. Writing from the heart must be without fear that it may seem inadequate in the eyes of others. It should also not allow individual arrogance of personal reality to cloud the writing.

Please note that I write from a predominantly ‘ Wiccan ' background, although all forms of magick have a similar modus operandi when it comes to the inalienable Laws of the Universe.

The difficulties and practicalities regarding concepts such as service (to self and community), community, love (of self and others), compassion, Pagan ‘grace' (if there is any), guilt (and regret) and gratitude, are some examples of areas needing to be addressed. I chose to write on forgiveness, from the heart.

Definitions and key elements

Roget's thesaurus gives as an alternative to the word ‘forgiveness' ‘to be lenient'. It also uses the word ‘amnesty' (further defined as ‘an act of oblivion). The dictionary of word origins says the following: ‘forgive' is what is known technically as a ‘calque' or loan translation – that is, it was created by taking the component parts of a foreign word, translating them literally, and then putting them back together to form a new word. In this case the foreign word was Latin perdonare ‘ forgive' ( source of English word p ardon ), which was a compound verb formed from per- ‘thoroughly' and donare ‘give' (its underlying sense was ‘give wholeheartedly'). These two elements were translated in prehistoric Germanic times and assembled to give * fergeban, from which have come German vergeben, Dutch vergeven , and English forgive.

There are many ingredients or key elements involved in the process of forgiveness: overlooking, pardoning, being merciful, compassion (that beautiful but vague state, much like the Temperance card in the major Arcana, something we all aspire to, often think we achieve, but seldom see it manifesting results), tender-heartedness, soft-heartedness, kind-heartedness, leniency, fellow-feeling, understanding, sympathy, concern, humanity, charity, benevolence. A tall act to follow! Note that ‘pity' is not involved in the forgiveness equation at all. Pity involves both grief and regret, both elements that one must move on from after forgiveness has been sought and made. Living with regret is precisely the thing that forgiveness, true forgiveness should liberate one from.

Forgiveness as process

Forgiveness is a process - as complex or as simple as we choose to make it. It is a process, just as any other form of healing is a process. If we are able to break this process down into bite-sized chunks, steps that we can understand and follow, then we will be able to secure our own healing; be in charge of our own healing process. The idea of forgiving someone, even yourself , can often seem daunting because it is shrouded in emotion. It is precisely these emotions that we must unravel, untangle and understand, in order to ascertain which chakra they are attached to, in order that we may be in control of our healing process.

To forgive others, or ourselves (for ourselves), means to acknowledge a number of criteria. We must approach and acknowledge forgiveness as a process.

There are primarily two players in the forgiveness game. The first is the one who must be forgiven for having transgressed you. The other player is yourself - for those that you have transgressed. Why do we forgive? Is there a need to forgive – others, ourselves ? We forgive so that we can move on. Quintessentially, forgiveness is the first step in any healing.

Toxic transgressor; toxic receptor

People become toxic if they hold on to their grudges, always seeking to be right, being vengeful, spiteful etc. This rots like a cancer inside and visibly manifests as a person poisoned. We've all come across a poisoned person. Sort of like the feeling you may be left with after being psychically vamped off? That same ‘ aaargh ! Get off me', feeling, making you want to jump into a salt bath. Such toxins of unforgiveness lie like a cesspool inside the person unable or unwilling to forgive. These toxins eventually implode (not explode).

The difference between implosion and explosion is this: explosion is obvious. Explosion manifests as some sort of a purge, a breakdown of sorts, seldom pleasant, especially for the observer (even if the observer is only the self). But either way, the boil must be lanced. The person trying to forgive will have some sort of a visible action/reaction. Implosion on the other hand, is often silent, deadly. Implosion manifests no great visible shakes but the rot inside is like a dangerous fast-spreading virus, infecting everyone the person comes into contact with.

For how long can you allow yourself to be toxic? ( whether forgiving your transgressor or yourself?). Do you even realise that you might be toxic? And worse, do you realise that you are infecting those vulnerable/spiritually dependent to your virus? At what stage will you decide to do the spiritually mature thing and embrace the forgiveness process? What level of compassion do you function at in order that you do not poison others further against your transgressor? Do you truly understand some of the inalienable laws of the Universe: that your transgressor will poison and infect others all by themselves; by attempting to do justice to your hurt you are not hurting your transgressor, but yourself; that the Law of 3 which all occult/magical practitioners hold to has a way of turning its own wheel; (are you willing to let the wheel turn at the hands of the Gods and not your own doing); that by thinking toxic thoughts about toxic people you will attract other toxic people to you; that healing and abundance comes to those who actively practice it; etc.

Mirrowing as psychic attack

Hard as this next paragraph is, it is vital to bear in mind that the wrong that has been done to you is heightened, worsened and exaggerated by your own perception of your subjective situation. The one who hurts you is simply the mirror. You reflected a weakness, the transgressor capitalised on it. Your transgressor has/had some sort of power/control over you which has resulted in this transgression against you. For a moment you had relinquished control and the transgression (hurt) was meted out.

S/he (the transgressor) has had the power to stimulate and coax your shadow side out of its neatly packaged presentation. The degree of your hurt and your reaction to such a stimulus reflects the degree of power your transgressor has over you.

(This is akin to being ‘psychically attacked' – nobody has the power to attack/ influence you negatively by planting seed in foreign soil. ( see … ‘Psychic Self defence). I.e. a vulnerability (known to your attacker) must be exploited.)

Nevertheless, no matter the pain, you must learn to let go and to forgive. You must seek every which way to make yourself vulnerable (considering that somewhere along the line you had already made yourself vulnerable in the first place, hence the ‘attack'/mirroring) to the Powers that are greater than you. For only divine intervention can help you overcome your need to want to hold onto the hurt, the pain, the bitterness. It will be your next incarnational lesson if you don't – to come back time and time again and relive the same types of hurts that cause you to hold on to your anger, so that you can learn to let go and forgive.

You must seek at all times then to understand why this has happened. How and when did you relinquish control? You need to apply the steps of forgiveness as soon as possible so that your transgressor no longer has power/control over you. A toxic person who cannot forgive demonstrates visibly the power the transgressor has over him/her. The transgressor remains the victor for as long as the person remains the victim and clings to and unwillingness to forgive. In short, the transgressor remains your master in psychic attack.

Forgive and forget?

But what about forgiving and forgetting? Being able to forgive is not the same as forgetting. There are times when it is not only necessary to remember, but it is also vital and healthy. We see this for e.g. within the Jewish ceremonies of the genocide remembrances, or when you have been betrayed by a lover or a friend, or a member of your coven. The way you choose to remember will act either as a positive source for the pain and bitterness to eventually filter away, or alternatively, it will simply just reaffirm itself as your toxic problem (and of course others),that will not go away until you embrace the process of forgiveness.

Is it possible to be too forgiving? Yes. If we forgive and forget too quickly we open ourselves up to be hurt and abused again in the same manner, and often from the same source. So, whilst forgiveness can be secured in order for you to move on , not forgetting may be your constant psychic shield.

Forgiving others

We do not forgive another's transgressions against us primarily for their sake. We forgive the wrong done to us for our sake. We need to shake off our misplaced Christian hang-ups that we forgive others their transgressions against us for their sake. We are not doing our transgressors a favour. They do not need us to forgive them, for often they enjoy hurting us. We need to forgive them – for ourselves. Once we have forgiven them, they can no longer hurt us!

This same misplaced spiritual thinking teaches that it's an offence to love yourself first and make yourself happy first , thereby always seeking to make other's happy before we make ourselves happy. In fact this common teaching is incorrect, even in a Christian paradigm. The deeper mysteries of Christianity know as well as we who practice the Craft and the esoteric, that we forgive, not for the sake of the others, but for the sake of the self; that we love ourselves, for the sake of others. It is the same liberation that comes when you know that in order to love your neighbour properly, you must love yourself, first, which is properly

Forgiving self

In the same way that we forgive those who have transgressed against us ,( for our sake), so we forgive ourselves for transgressing others

So, how do you go about forgiving yourself? How important is it for you to seek out the party you have harmed in order for forgiveness (by that party) to be achieved? Does this mean that forgiveness of self is only possible if the transgressed one magnanimously decides to forgive you? Does it qualify if you ‘ignore' the party you have harmed? Will you only be able to forgive yourself if said party forgives you?

It is the quicker healing thing to do to seek out the forgiveness of the one you have hurt. We all know how hard this can be for e.g. in a love relationship when you know you have to apologise and could be further hurt by rejection. This is magnified a whole lot more when such forgiveness must be sought from a person with whom you have a less intense relationship, and even more when it is from someone you do not know or like that well e.g. a work colleague. But experience has proved time and time again that when two people/parties sit down to air their grievance and seek forgiveness great healing can come of it.

But what if the person you seek forgiveness from is not available, perhaps passed over, or in a revengeful mood? What if that party has made it clear they will never forgive you? What if that party is in fact demanding that you sit down with them, but you know them to be vengeful and not interested in true healing and reconciliation?

There are times that even if you try to sit with the party that (claims) you have harmed (them)

* remember for as much as you may have a heightened perception of hurt done to you, so does the party who claims to be hurt by you also have a heightened and often exaggerated view of the hurt you may have caused, or wee supposed to have caused

no fruit will be able to be borne of that meeting. Some people seek such meetings only to further aid and abet their vengeful natures. Their sense of self righteousness can become a dangerous weapon.

You have a sacred obligation to heal yourself. You must follow the steps of forgiveness so that you can move on. Remember, this is your incarnation, no one else's.

Psychic S & M

If the other person wishes to remain stuck in a paradigm of vengeance, it is not your problem. You do not need to take on unnecessary karmic responsibilities (unless you have masochistic tendencies) by making yourself the target of the one you have transgressed. I.e. you do not need to be the victim of (further) psychic attack.

In fact there is an interesting dynamic that plays itself out between transgressors and transgressed, not unlike the dynamics of S & M. There are those who love to wallow in self pity, constantly flagellating and berating themselves emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. They call out to those who are spiritually impoverished and have willing ears: ‘woe is me, I am not worthy, I am not worthy to be forgiven”. Equally, there is the sadist tendency of those who would bask in their victory ( spiritual inadequacy ) over the one who will not/cannot claim self/ forgiveness, milking the situation to such an extent that unnecessary further conflict is caused in the individual (both transgressor and transgressed), as well as the wider community in which this absurd little drama is playing itself out in.

Forgiveness is not for free

But seeking forgiveness is only one side of the coin. The other is that forgiveness comes with a price-tag. Over and over people that harm will simply say: ‘I'm sorry, I didn't mean it', but will carry on with their destructive behaviour, safely ensconced behind what appears to be a reasonable human being. This price tag is not what the injured party decress, for this too could simply be motivated by a further subconscious vengeance (revenge). The price tag spoken of here is reparation for damage done, restitution for the thing you seek forgiveness for. This is not about remorse but repentance. Far too many people demonstrate amazing skill at remorse, putting some of the Oscar winners to shame. But all the while it is nothing but emptiness.

I.e. if you have gossiped terribly about a fellow brother or sister in the Craft, and have caused much damage for the person, then seeking to put it right cannot involve a simple ‘sorry'. It involves curtailing such gossip and actively seeking to do damage control. This process will take place whether or not the one you have transgressed is willing to forgive you or not.

Forgiveness – practical steps

Throughout this article I mention the worked ‘practice' and ‘processes. Like learning to walk in stilletoes , ride a car, eat oysters, etc, it all takes practice. Forgiveness takes practice from ALL of us. Forgiveness is a spiritual discipline. The word ‘discipline' implies just that – a discipline. (This has to do with instruction, learning, training, rules.)

You can choose to get rid of your toxic waste and to stay away from others poisoned by such waste. This implies of course that you can recognise it. You can learn the skill and art of forgiveness by following this step by step routine:

1 Concentrate on the anger, hurt and other negativities that surround the incident. For it is these very negativities that are the obstacles to enhancing one's compassion and ability to forgive. ( This cannot always be done straight way, especially when the hurt is still raw and very sore. This is therefore not Step 1 in its earliest reactionary phase, but in its contemplative phase. It would be tantamount to going into sacred space - the magickal /psychic circle - when you are angry or acting out any other negative emotional state. If the work is urgent, as it often is, then you must have someone do the work for you. You may be in the circle but not participate – this is the subject of another article)

2 Then begin to reflect on the merits and virtues of enhancing your ability to forgive

3 You should arrive at a point where you are convinced that tolerance, patience compassion and forgiveness are MAGICKAL virtues you must/need to attain to

4 Summon/conjure the party/s responsible for your injury/who you believe have wronged you.

5 Visualize a protective layer around you (not to protect yourself from them, for they have already harmed you), but to protect yourself from yourself. You are not allowed to touch them, lest you get re-infected with their toxic waste. Hold that person in front of you with a steady gaze -not always an easy task when you are in pain and confusion

6 Begin the very difficult and transformative (and magical) process of understanding/realising that the person who has/is hurting you, is simply mirroring/(attacking you psychically) your weakness, your anger, your nastiness, your impetuousness etc – in short your shadow side.

7 Remember – once we have forgiven (whether this is ourselves or our transgressors), we can no longer be hurt!

Forgiveness from the Source

The ultimate source of forgiveness are our Gods/the Goddess Herself. We need no intermediary, no committee that dictates, no sanctions of holy writ. Being Pagan/ Wiccan /of magickal hue, implies a level of spiritual maturity not enjoyed by other mainstream religious. We go directly to the Source, our own personal reason to live. We seek and find forgiveness there, having no further business wasting our time with those who bay for the blood of the one who may, or may not have transgressed another.

If we can cultivate the right attitude to being hurt, which necessitates forgiveness; those who transgress us become our best spiritual teachers. The hurt they (that WE ALLOW TO) inflict upon us, provides us with opportunities to enhance and develop our spiritual armour: tolerance, patience, understanding and compassion. The presence of the transgressor is therefore crucial to our spiritual evolution. To be able to move from the natural position of hostility we feel towards the one who has harmed us (or even towards ourselves), to a position of equanimity, is what will determine us as true spiritual beings questing to pay back karmic debt.

I greet you in loving darkness

Donna darkwolf vos
(god's imp)

Having recently celebrated 10 years of democracy (and thereby religious freedom), Wicca in South Africa is already fast on its way to becoming a tired theology with fixed unchangeable dogma and leaders vying for the position of Wiccan 'pope'. So I left South Africa in search of fresh inspiration. This was not the first time I had travelled to these farwaway shores and been disappointed. But this time I dared to hope that the simple spark that originally fuelled me could be found again, thereby confirming my apparently controversial viewpoint and liberating me from the shackles of yet another spiritual pathology.

I arrived in the U.S. booked in for several Pagan conferences, determined to pack as much in as I could, and I was particularly looking forward to meeting Janet Farrar and Gavin Bone. In South Africa we do not have the luxury of all the choices of Pagan events, for we are but a fledgling community, paying far too much attention to our witchwars for our own good. With anxiety in my heart for fear I would meet people, (especially Janet and Gavin - for it was the thought, hope and desire of meeting these icons of world Wicca that was the original impulse for braving yet another gruelling trip overseas and participating in the CPC gathering in the first place), not only locked into the past, but pressurized by peers to remain locked into that past in order that the 'old guard' be protected and supported. If The Witches Bible was anything to go on I would be right in my summation, certainly of Janet.

I need not have feared. Here was a woman with a timeless beauty, grace and graciousness, and endearing eccentricities that complimented a really wicked sense of humour. The life force of a proud maiden and (real) Crone wisdom all in one. Janet was as glamorous as she was approachable. With Gavin as consort and legitimate heir to Stewart's plans and dreams, both are a willing and disciplined student's dream come true.

Burnt out, at crossroads, and looking for direction for the next 10 years in Wiccan South Africa, I was overwhelmed by the unexpected sources in which I found my grail.

Gavin and Janet, always relaxed yet intense, focused and supremely knowledgeable, took us on a no-holds barred journey through the progression of modern Witchcraft. With steely resolve they do the right thing for them and modern Witchcraft now, by speaking their truth with conviction and integrity. Their unorthodox style of facilitation, dotted with abundant humour, filled me with mirth. Their irreverent dispelling of some of the major Wiccan myths from which power hungry and egotistical individuals have made up their own history to prey on the vulnerable, caused me to sigh with relief at the confirmation that not only is Wicca a living thing - that mutable spirituality that so drew me in the first place - but for it to be Wicca it must always be fluid, dynamic, and most importantly, country specific.

Their workshop on 'Drawing Down the Moon' in new and appropriate ways had me spellbound. Janet entranced us all in her role as trance medium when, during the main ritual, Freya entered her and all were given individual, inspirational and relevant messages - delivered in perfectly rhyming quatrains, no less!

Gavin's chakra workshop was challenging in its radical departure from staid and preconceived ideas about its use as a magickal system and ritual model. Their latest book Progressive Witchcraft makes for riveting reading, and is most definitely not for those who have difficulty in moving out of any current comfort zone. Their workshop on 'All acts of love and pleasure', which dealt with the controversial subject of attitudes in Witchcraft towards sexuality, and how this differs from the Judeo-Christian perception of sex purely for pro-creation was...oh well, I guess you just had to be there!

But I was not only on a mission to seek renewed inspiration and strength in my craft; I was also interested in expanding my knowledge into other areas of Paganism. The facilitators at every single workshop I attended were extraordinarily uninhibited in both their willingness and ability to impart as much knowledge as possible, with whatever concomitant ritual demonstration and mystical experience we were able to cope with. I have never seen so many speakers functioning at once with such a level of intensity, integrity and passion for their subjects.

Jane Sibley (PhD), also known as Auntie Arwen (www.auntiearwenspices.com) , captured my heart. She teaches and writes on the subjects of Norse mythology, folklore and runes. The Norse religions have never quite appealed to me, perhaps because they are so far North, and I am so far South. But when she told us that Odin owned the Valhalla Pub and Grill I knew I had found a teacher after my own heart. She captivated us with her brilliant Norse artwork on flipchart, and her rendering of the runes in Norse was like a lullaby to my tired soul. Jane's healing ritual taught me to use energy in ways I had never anticipated, which is practical knowledge that will immediately be transferred to my fellowship.

Ivo Dominguez Jr. was a left-brained person's dream. Ivo is a writer, artist, visionary and practitioner of various esoteric disciplines, and has been active in Wicca and the neo-Pagan community since 1978. He has published several books and is the convenor of 'Between the Worlds: a Grand Magickal Congress'. He addressed us, in 2 sessions, on Cernunnos and Brighid. Neither of those deities have particularly inspired me, but I felt I owed it to the community I was representing to go. Ivo succeeded in stimulating and titillating my deity perspective to the point that I might have to be stopped from shouting off my quiet home suburbs rooftops all about antlers! His approach to divination, prophecy and oracular vision addressed my left brain's need to be recognised as fundamentally as important as right brain intuition. (www.seeliecourt.net/panpipe/)

Freeheart (Gene Long) conducts workshops on personal growth, body acceptance and is the founder of the Aliantha Community and Intimate Community in Northern Virginia. His workshop on 'Healing the Hurt' was a real challenge. Though I was fearful of making myself vulnerable, my prejudices peeled off like sunburnt skin under Freeheart's tender and brave facilitation skills. Suffice it to say that my inherent respect for this person allowed me to challenge him about matters of sexuality that are currently causing turmoil in the local US Pagan community, with its effects starting to be felt in South African Pagan circles. Our exchange of ideas helped me find the beginning of workable solutions, at least for myself for the time being. (www.freeheart.net)

Tim Ward's presentation on 'Arousing the Goddess' was a fascinating personal recounting of his adventures and encounters in India with the Goddess and Shakti, the sexual energy of Tantra, the very thing he travelled to India and a Buddhist monastery to avoid. His unnerving openness and willingness to make himself vulnerable to his audience in the interests of getting his message across, was the most radical departure from any teaching/facilitation skill I have experienced. (www.timwardsbooks.com)

There were many more presentations and speakers I would have liked to have experienced -- children's workshops, sweats, medieval dancing. I was hard pressed to make the decisions I did, always mindful of the fellowship/community I had the privilege of representing and the teaching that is most needed.

I was spontaneously asked to facilitate a session which I entitled 'South Africa Rocks!' After the 6th person came to me prior to my session to enquire as to what rocks, crystals and minerals I might be speaking on, I realised that people really still do think we come from a deep dark continent. Many good folk stared in sheer amazement at the fact that not only have we heard of the Internet in South Africa, but we actually have email, amongst other things. Some very good-hearted folk offered me the most arcane advice that caused me to burst into good-natured laughter. And so it was that I was able to teach and share without formal structure.

Something we struggle with in South Africa, clearly as elsewhere in the Wiccan world, and partly due to the fact that we are such a young movement, is of course the famous and inevitable 'witchwars' mentioned previously. This conference therefore was also an eye-opener into the notion of 'growth through turmoil'. The necessary hiving off of CPC from FSA (whose conference I also attended) over matters not so much of concept but of praxis, allowed me to experience firsthand management of a painful and difficult separation, not unlike many I have experienced in South Africa. I was grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to view things from many angles and feel honoured that I can take home some of the wiser insights into Pagan conflict resolution, something South African Paganism has yet some way to go.

Janet and Gavin played/are playing a significant role in bridging the gap with their as-always straightforward approach to matters of so-called Pagan political taboo.

All in all the CPC convention and gathering was super professional, caring of our needs as foreign visitors (as they were of everyone), and inclusive in a way that I have never experienced before in any of my travels to Pagan events. Of utmost importance to me was a certain integrity about the organisers and the speakers that is very rare. I intend to return next year and bring a small team of dedicated priestesses with me. I look forward to the continued depth of relationships I have experienced and to return this time not only to learn, but to teach.

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